I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize