I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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