You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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