You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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