we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
