How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
