If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
