tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
