no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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