how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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