In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
