dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
