Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
