Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
