this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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