dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
