Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
