thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
