Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize