I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
