I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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