Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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