As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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