in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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