She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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