I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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