Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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