new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
