my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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