TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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