I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just threw up on my dentist
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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