loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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