Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
