Everything about him screamed your future.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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