i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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