It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
