when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
