We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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