So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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