The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
