my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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