My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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