The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
