i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
