I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
