Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Boobs speak an international language.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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