He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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