I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
