i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
