it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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