wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
