his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
