Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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