Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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