i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
