she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
