Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
