Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
