just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
