Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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