Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
