I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Come see our sink grown plant.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
