you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How does one acquire holy water?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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