I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
