I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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