Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just pee around me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
