shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
