Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
