So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
