just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
