dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
